You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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