Already got asked if we're dating
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
