My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
