my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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