I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
