She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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