I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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