I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am one with the molecules
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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