I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
