I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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