Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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