Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
