Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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