So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
