A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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