If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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