Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
