...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
