I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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