Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
