last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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