We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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