If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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