I wanna passion pit in your ass
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
