I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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