I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
