just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
