I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm too high and old for this...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
