the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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