On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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