somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
