It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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