Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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