i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
