Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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