I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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