epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
