i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
