You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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