i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
