He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
