"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
