he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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