So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
