mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
