It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
