When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
