Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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