Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
