just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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